Dead End (2003)

On Christmas Eve Frank Harrington (Ray Wise) is driving  his family to his in-laws for Christmas and decides to take a shortcut. Things soon start to go wrong, as the road they are on seems neverending and they are terrorized by the ghost of a young woman.

The film is described as a 'horror thriller' on its IMDb page, but to me it seemed more like a comedy, mainly due to the hilarious antics of Frank Harrington himself. With constant over-the-top reactions and wise cracks, Ray Wise is hilarious in this film. With his dum daughter, annoying son in-law and crazy wife nagging him all the way, he soon starts to crack up.

The family members soon start disappearing one by one, and the last you see of them are their faces stuck to the back window of a mysterious black hurse which drives past them in part of some morbid death ritual.

The film feels like a horror version of National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. By the way they are set up, even the scares seem like they are meant to be funny rather than scary. Dead End isn't to be taken seriously as a horror, even if that was what the director intended.

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Edge of Tomorrow (2014)

Edge of Tomorrow pop up on TV, with that cheesy music and slow motion battle scenes, I thought "oh god..not another Battle L.A!". But how wrong I was. This sci-fi action film has come out of nowhere into to my Top 3 films of the year, and will probably stay there till New Year.
When I first saw the trailer for

Tom Cruise plays the unlikely role of a coward turned savior -- we are normally used to seeing this 5 foot 5 inch action dynamo playing the hero -- so it was a little strange to see him play such a character; his performance, however, was top notch.

Edge of Tomorrow is a rarity when it comes to summer blockbusters in that it is smart, well-written, funny,complex, isn't made by Marvel or DC, and most important, it makes sense. The main point everyone was discussing about the film was the time loop element, which I first thought would have made the film repetitive and boring, but the way it was incorporated into the plot created the opposite effect.

 The visuals are outstanding. From the first D-day style battle scene to the thrilling final battle. The design of the soldier suits looks fantastic, giving it all a very near-future feel. I really liked the design of the aliens as well. But where it truly excels is in a handful of action sequences and some stunning set pieces.

The cast was pretty good. Emily Blunt was very convincing as the bad-ass soldier hero and Bill Paxton should of had more screen time - he was hilarious. Cruise was Cruise - great. He may have acted in some poorly written films recently (Oblivion not included), but he always puts in a solid performance.

Edge of Tomorrow is the surprise of the year. A well-made, fun, sci-fi action film, which has cult classic written all over it.

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The Quiet Ones (2014)

The Quite Ones is one of the most ridiculous films I've seen in a long time. The story is ludicrous. A mad professor and his assistants (two posh boys and a slapper with a nice arse) set out to perform an experiment on a young mentally ill girl, who was recently released from a nuthouse. After losing funding from Oxford University for his ridiculous experiment, the professor moves it out to a large dilapidated country house.

The fact that Oxford Uni would have anything to do with such an experiment is what makes the whole premise of the films plot so ridiculous. A young girl, who has previously attempted suicide, is subjected to a series of invasive experiments, which, according to the professors theory, will summon not only an ancient demon, but also awaken the girls dormant telekinetic powers..

The film tries to pay homage to the vintage haunted house films of the 70's, and succeeded in its style and theme, but ruined it with the inclusion of found-footage.

The films trailer was actually scarier than the film. The were only two scenes that actually made me nervous, but the rest were mindbogglingly tediousness. The found-footage element was unnecessary and only used to create the contrived attempts at jump-scares which were, for the most part, unsuccessful. Lacking any original ideas as regards scaring the viewer, the filmmakers just resorted to strange noises, screaming and cheap CGI effects.

Character development was rushed and forever perplexing, the performances were pretty good, but the characters were just dumb and annoying.  The only convincing character was the professor himself (Jarid Harris) who convincingly portrayed a narcissistic madmen.  The film culminates with a cheap CGI set-piece, which is as underwhelming as most of the ninety eight minutes proceeding it.

The Quiet Ones is not very original or very scary and has a completely vacuous plot. I'm guessing most hardcore Hammer Horror fans won't be pleased with this mess. That said, it may prove entertaining to the late night Netflix viewers of the world.

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Godzilla (2014)

Well, where to start?  To be honest, I’m still in shock. I was so looking forward to this after seeing the trailer, but what a monstrous disappointment it’s turned out to be (pun indented)

The title of the film should have been: Cloverfield Monster vs The American Army plus Godzilla. In the whole 2 hour running length of the film, Godzilla appeared 4 times, and for a total of about 20 minutes. The first half hour involves Bryan Cranston’s character searching the world for the monster that killed his wife when it attacked the nuclear plant she worked at 15 years earlier… He eventually discovers that the mysterious beast is being held captive at secret base, run by an annoying scientist played Ken Watanabe.

Watanabe and his scientific college (an annoying women who looks like a frog) advise the army throughout the film.  They both seemed to have contracted ‘locked jaw’ because their response to any crisis or question, was to look down at their feet, move slowly and dramatically towards to camera (jaws trailing on the floor), and state the obvious.

Everything happened at a thousand miles per hour, leaving no time for character development, or a discernible plot of any kind. There was the usual cheesy one-liners,  ridiculous posturing American army, lots of grunting and saluting – what you’d expect from an action film this – only worse.

The only highlights were the battles between Godzilla (in his rare appearances) and the Cloverfield monster. I have to admit, Gareth Edwards actually did a great job with the look of Godzilla . He looked much more like the classic beast we know from the Japanese films, and not like the giant iguana that Roland Emmerich crapped out.

Great monster battles and CGI don’t make up for a horrendous plot. At times, I actually thought I was watching a Transformers film. Gareth Edwards may have been out of his depth with this, seeing as his previous films were low budget indie films, which is a shame because I really liked his first film: Monsters. I hope that, if there is to be a sequel, they will learn from their mistakes .

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At The Devils Door (2014)

So, the film starts with a young girl and her boyfriend hanging out with a bunch of devil worshiping weirdo’s who talk her into playing a game of “keep your eye on the cup”, the result of which will decide  whether or not she has been chosen to be possessed by the devil. 

Needless to say, the girl wins and is told by one of the cult members to stand at a road junction and say her name and the devil will appear.  She is possessed and forced to do evil things, but eventually kills herself. The devil’s spirit remains in her house and tries to find a way back into the souls of whoever lives there.

The rest film is set some thirty the years later (present day) and follows a real estate agent trying to sell the possessed house. Things take a bit too long to get going for my liking with practically nothing happening for the first half hour. The scene when the real estate agent discovers that she has just been talking to the ghost of the girl who committed suicide in the house, is just ridiculous to me.
The natural reaction would be to get the hell out of the there, but she follows the girl around the house. I mean she’s just asking for trouble.

The evil spirit passes from person to person during the film with some great shock scares along the way. The scenes where the sisters each search the house in the dark with torches are really creepy – I was just waiting for something to jump out. I found the scene with the girl standing in front of the mirror the creepiest of all -  with that sinister voice.

Altogether, this wasn't a bad effort. It slowed down and dragged in parts, but there were plenty of scares and creepy moments; and the ‘floating in the air’ possessions scenes were very convincing. This film brings something different to the possession sub-genre.

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The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951)

The Day The Earth Stood Still was made during the Cold War and directer Robert Wise created a warning message of sorts, and in his own way took the wider view of the global situation - by making one the greatest science fiction films ever made.

When I first saw this film I was taken by the simple yet powerful message it conveyed.It reminded me a lot of one of my favorite books: Childhoods End by Arthur C. Clarke - a tale of an alien race arriving in a giant spaceship on a mission to rid the earth of war, famine and hatred.

 The plot is fairly simple and direct: A visitor from another planet has come to warn us that we are too aggressive, paranoid and dangerous to ourselves and the other planets if we continue the nuclear arms race. Klaatu, the alien visitor (played by Michael Rennie), is an instantly likable character. Having arrived on earth to a less then polite welcome, he escapes the clutches of the military and takes shelter in a guest house, where he befriends a young inquisitive boy and his mother, who eventually help him to complete his mission.

The great old school b-movie soundtrack and radio broadcasts at the beginning of the film set the perfect, foreboding atmosphere. One of the most iconic and memorable characters in sci-fi history is Gort, the giant robot guardian of Klaatu - an 8 feet tall clumsy looking thing wearing size 50 silver clogs - that's fifties special effects for you. An easily accessible and enjoyable sci-fi classic and easily the best of the fifties, followed closely by Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Them!. The Day the Earth Stood Still is a truly timeless classic and a must watch.

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Final Destination 5 (2013)

In my opinion the Final Destination franchise is the worst series of horror films released in the last 20 years, beating even the many crappy Saw sequels, and the fifth installment of this terrible franchise is the worst yet. Now, pretty much all aspects of this film are bad, but let start with the acting. The two main characters and best friends Peter 'eyebrows' Friedkin (Miles Fisher) and Sam Lawton (Nicholas D'Agosto), really do take the biscuit with some of the worst acting I've ever seen. Not only is their line delivery shocking, but Peter Freidkins eyebrow prevent the viewer from taking him seriously at all (you will understand when you see them.)

The inevitable far-fetched and ridiculous deaths start happening right from the start. When Sam and Miles embark on a work trip with their colleges. Whilst sat on a coach in a traffic jam, Sam has a premonition that the bridge they are on will soon collapse. .


Just as he starts warning the group of their imminent deaths, the bridge starts to crumble beneath them. Luckily enough, however, the main characters all survive, while a bunch of extras die when the bus plunges into the river below.  The rest of the film plays out the same as previous four installments - with death hunting down the annoying characters and eventually catching up with them in increasingly ridiculous ways.

The paycheck wasn't bad, so I don't give a fuck!

There's practically no plot. Just a showcase of stupidity and bad acting in-between the death scenes. I actually enjoyed the death scenes, not for the special effects or gore, but because one of the annoying characters had been killed. The final scene in the kitchen is a showcase of all the things that make this film terrible: the terrible acting, ridiculous script, and predictable deaths. The only highlights:  the crappy actors eventually die, and Tony 'Candyman' Todd's cameo.

I really hope they don't make any more of these films. I wouldn't even categorize this crap as cinema. Stay well clear of this, or you'll regret it.

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Non-Stop (2014)

Flightplan ...I mean Non-Stop, is a fast-paced airline safety propaganda video disguised as a Liam Neeson thriller. Neeson plays an air marshall, who years early lost his daughter to cancer, so became a burnout alcoholic (just the kind of guy you'd want as an air Marshall).

The film starts with him necking some whiskey while sat in his car in front of the airport before proceeding the departure lounge - he is to be overseeing the security of a long-haul London to New York flight. After fifteen minutes of Liam Neeson grunting, and shuffling around the plane looking like a corpse, he eventually receives a troubling text message on his phone. The message is from and unknown source and says that they will kill one of the passengers if Neeson doesn't wire an inordinate amount of money into an offshore bank account. The fact that the would-be criminals would send such a demand to an Air Marshall is completely diabolical.

After a series of mysterious deaths on board the plane, Neeson becomes paranoid and soon begins to loose it. He starts searching passengers for the mobile phone that he has been received the messages from. It seems his only friend on board is Julianne Moore, who was sitting next to him when boarded the plane, though he suspects her at one point. The most unrealistic element of the film is how the passengers put up with Neeson's antics for so long. A crazed looking man running around a plane with a gun searching passengers without giving them any explanation.

The film will have you guessing who the culprits of the extortion/hijack are, and have you suspecting everyone. However, the section of the film where Neeson is searching for the phone is a bit silly, he stands in the middle of cabin looking at everyone to see if they 'look' like they're using a mobile.. Any criminal with half a brain isn't going to send a message while he's stood there.... He even has Julianne Moore and a stewardess highlight suspect passengers with maker pens on a security monitor! Plus, conveniently, Neeson meets a mobile phone programmer on the plane, and they come up with a plan to set up the suspect by send a photo message to his phone causing it ring.

Eventually, everything comes to a head, resulting in some tense stand-off scenes and a truly ridiculous scene involving a floating gun. Neeson and Moore's performances were ok, the rest of the cast were all unknowns and TV actors. Not a bad little thriller, lost it's way in parts, but finished well enough - a genuine three star, late night, drunken Netflix affair.

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Oculus (2014)

Oculus,but it turned to be pretty good. Also, as a Doctor Who fan, I was also looking forward to seeing Karen Gillan on the big screen, I wasn't disappointed.
As it was partly a WWE production, I was initially skeptical about

The film has a twisted roller coaster of a plot, that I didn't really understand fully on the first viewing. The story plays out in two different time periods: present day, and 11 years earlier, and swaps between them as the film progresses. The plot involves siblings Tim and Kaylie, and starts in the past with older Tim shooting a his younger sister (told you it's a twisted plot). Tim had always blamed his shooting his sister on a mirror in the family living room, which he claimed had some kind of dark power. In present day, older Tim is released from the nuthouse, and is met by his sister Kaylie, who he apparently didn't shoot in the past at all...

The story doesn't make sense at first, but slowly unravels, so stick with it. Kaylie tells Tim that she has purchased to strange mirror again, and wanted to performed a little experiment to find out what happened 11 years earlier. So, if Tim didn't shoot his sister who did he shoot?... He shot his Dad.  After the evil spirit of a woman came out of the mirror and drove his parents insane, his dad attacked him, so he was forced to shoot him. While Tim was locked up, Kaylie did some research on the mirror, and discovered that everyone who has owned it in the past has either disappeared or been killed.

Who said starbuck was dead..

The film continues swapping between past and present, showing us how Kaylie and Tim's lives play out in both timelines. Once you find out that the mirror has the power to create illusions and can convinced people they aren't where they really are, you will be able to figure out whats really happening (mostly).

Backed up by a great soundtrack, Oculus is a mind-bending ghost story with plenty of tense scenes that will have you on the edge on your seat. There are a few shock scares in there as well, one of which made me spill my beer, lol. As well having a complex and compelling plot, the cast were great too. Karen Gillan was great as Kaylie (I'm looking forward to seeing her in more films). It was also nice to see Katie Sackhoff in a film again, I've been a fan of her's after first watching Battlestar Gallactica.

Most people will watch Oculus and think I doesn't make sense. I thought the same thing about Donnie Darko the first time I saw that, but after a few viewings, it became and still is one of my favorite films. So give it a chance.

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The Den (2013)

It's not surprising to see yet another found-footage film, seeing as they account for 90% of all horror films made these days, and sadly, it's not a surprise to see one as bad as The Den.

Elizabeth is a social media student who, as part of her thesis, intends to spend a few months chatting with completes strangers on a socials media site called The Den, what could possible go wrong..? After a few days of lazing around her apartment talking to strangers, she eventually come's across a disturbing video of a women being murdered. She immediately goes to the police, who show the kind of incompetency you come to expect from cops in films like this. The cop views tape and says "it sure looks real, but unfortunately it's impossible for us to this guy..."



Soon her friends and family start being picked off by this online nutter, but at no point does she notify the police. After the series of annoying video and unrealistic video conferences she has with strangers, I was glad to finally see some action.

The police in this film are absolutely useless. After Elizabeth calls them again after her boyfriend goes missing, they immediately dismiss her story and even threaten to lock her up for telling stories,  even though there was a laptop left on the floor of the place he was last seen, possibly containing evidence.

The found footage element doesn't fit in with certain scenes. I mean would you still be filming everything if some nutcase was stalking you? Or when you were rushing to your sisters house, worried that someone was gonna kill her? This is why found-footage is over used these days and most of the time doesn't work right.

There's  plenty of blood and gore in the film, and the killer looks genuinely creepy wearing the sackcloth mask. Unfortunately, that doesn't make up for the film's other shortcomings.

Scarecrow anyone?

The Den was a good idea poorly executed. The idea of a social media killer is great, and I would love to see a non-found-footage film based on that.

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Tremors (1990)

Tremors is a classic B-movie monster movie, and one of my all-time favourite films. Set in a small Nevada town called perfection, the film mostly revolves around to local handymen, Valentine McGee (Kevin Bacon) and Earl Bassett (Fred Ward). The two soon realize that the residents of the small are not alone in the baron dessert valley, when they discover a giant thirty-foot-long underground worm.

Ward and Bacon suit their characters perfectly, Ward being the grumpy old red-neck and Bacon the cocky young cowboy wannabe. My favorite character, however, has always been Burt Gummer (Micheal Gross). A local gun enthusiast who had previously been mocked by the towns folk for his lifestyle, soon becomes their lifeline. My favorite scene of the whole film is the one when one of the Graboids breaks into Burt's basement, and he, and his wife Heather kill it with a hail of bullets from their sizable gun collection, with Burt eventually finishing the creature off with two blast of his Elephant Gun.

Broke into the wrong wreck room....

The practical special effects in the film were groundbreaking at the time and still look convincing to this day. You won't see any CGI in this film, which is a refreshing change, there's nothing like good honest practical effects. The only film that I can really compare it to in terms of practical effects is The Thing (1982). 

The film is a mix of comedy, monster movie, and western. - an unlikely mix of genres that works perfectly in this case. The comedy in the film comes from Val and Earls constant wisecracking, and also the over-the-top reactions and statements of the crazy gun-nut Burt. As well as comedy, the film has some genuine 'make you jump' moments - which are well-timed and put together. Everything happens at a brisk pace, maintaining the tension throughout - hence the 90 minute running time. 

Tremors is a quick, fun, action comedy horror, which has cemented its place as one the best monster movies ever made (in my opinion).

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Enemy (2014)

Enemy is a dark and strange slow-burner, and one of the most boring films I've ever seen. Jake Gyllenhaal plays a disheveled history teacher who, while watching a movie at home, discovers a man that looks exactly the same as him.

At no point do the two men attempt find out how they look alike, exchanging birth dates, birth certificates, or ask their parents etc.. Which would be the natural reaction after making such a discovery.

He sets out to find this man and find out how this is possible. They meet, and he discovers his identical opposite is in effect his nasty alter-ego.

His opposite number then blackmails him into a night with his wife. That's basically it... the proceeding hour before that dragged out arduously, with Gyllenhaal shuffling from place to place, every night having sex with his girlfriend in his dump of an apartment.

I just understand the message the director was trying to get across, be it in an obscure and arty way. I'm a fan of indie and art cinema, but this film just didn't do anything for me. I'd also love to know what those spiders symbolized..?

The films only saving grace is it was well filmed, with a dark, melancholy style. Other than that Enemy is a strange, dark, gloomy and extremely boring indie film, which is neither interesting, clever or entertaining.

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