Godzilla (2014)

Well, where to start?  To be honest, I’m still in shock. I was so looking forward to this after seeing the trailer, but what a monstrous disappointment it’s turned out to be (pun indented)

The title of the film should have been: Cloverfield Monster vs The American Army plus Godzilla. In the whole 2 hour running length of the film, Godzilla appeared 4 times, and for a total of about 20 minutes. The first half hour involves Bryan Cranston’s character searching the world for the monster that killed his wife when it attacked the nuclear plant she worked at 15 years earlier… He eventually discovers that the mysterious beast is being held captive at secret base, run by an annoying scientist played Ken Watanabe.

Watanabe and his scientific college (an annoying women who looks like a frog) advise the army throughout the film.  They both seemed to have contracted ‘locked jaw’ because their response to any crisis or question, was to look down at their feet, move slowly and dramatically towards to camera (jaws trailing on the floor), and state the obvious.

Everything happened at a thousand miles per hour, leaving no time for character development, or a discernible plot of any kind. There was the usual cheesy one-liners,  ridiculous posturing American army, lots of grunting and saluting – what you’d expect from an action film this – only worse.

The only highlights were the battles between Godzilla (in his rare appearances) and the Cloverfield monster. I have to admit, Gareth Edwards actually did a great job with the look of Godzilla . He looked much more like the classic beast we know from the Japanese films, and not like the giant iguana that Roland Emmerich crapped out.

Great monster battles and CGI don’t make up for a horrendous plot. At times, I actually thought I was watching a Transformers film. Gareth Edwards may have been out of his depth with this, seeing as his previous films were low budget indie films, which is a shame because I really liked his first film: Monsters. I hope that, if there is to be a sequel, they will learn from their mistakes .

Read More

Let Me In (2010)

I've been putting off watching Let Me In because I've always thought it to be an unnecessary remake. Adapted from the Swedish horror novel  Let The Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist, which was earlier adapted into a Swedish film of the same name. Let Me In is a vampire romance in which a young bullied boy befriends a vampire girl.

The mysterious girl, Abby, moves into the same apartment block as the little boy, Owen, and a their friendship begins. Abby has a carer, a hard-faced middle aged man, who kills people and drains their to feed her.

Local people begin to disappear and a detective begin investigating. Things eventually go wrong during one of the mans blood-letting expeditions, and to prevent exposing abbey and to prevent him being identified by the police, he burns his face off with acid. Abby is left alone with only one person she can confide in - her new friend Owen.

Though the film is similar to the Swedish film, there have been slight alterations made to the story, which is a good thing - no one wants to watch a carbon copy of the original film with the only difference being the language. The dark, dreary, melancholy atmosphere that made the original unique is present, and the chemistry between the Owen and Abby is perfect.

I personally still prefer Let The Right In, but there isn't much between the two films for me. Let Me In is an entertaining, well directed remake, and is probably the best horror remake since Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead; its also at the opposite end of the remake spectrum to the terrible Carrie.

I told you to get your hair cut..but you wouldn't listen!

This scene is a stomach churner - throat cutting scenes always go through me though. The claret is flowing throughout the film, there are some nice burn-gore scenes as well.

Read More

Carrie (2013)

The worst pile of stinking, poisonous sludge ever to be dredged up from the deepest, darkest depths of cinema - and that's being kind!

The director did nothing new with the source material: the film was a clone of the original, except with crap acting, dialogue, music, and I'm shocked that Julianne Moore had anything to do with this turd. The acting from most of the characters was awful, especially the cheerleader and jock.

Chloe Grace Moretz's performance was passable.. I cannot, however, find any real positives in this abomination. 
A short review is all this film deserves, as it is probably the worst horror remake ever made.

Yeah..the ordinance feels the same..

Read More