Saturday, November 30, 2013

Machete Kills (2013)

Posted by: Sam Doyle | at 03:28 | Be the first to comment!

I told myself not to take any of Machete Kills seriously before watching. I didn't, and I still struggled thought it, the script was shocking. The film starts with Machete and his partner busting in on a weapons deal between the US army and a Mexican cartel resulting in lots of gunfire and truly shocking dialogue.

Machete is later recruited by the president played by Charlie Sheen, to stop a revolutionary terrorist,who suffers from split personality disorder, from launching an nuclear strike against the US. The rest of the film basically evolves Machete mutilating and killing as many people as possible.

Some of the death scenes are so ridiculous they are actually hilarious, the intestines helicopter death is the best of all. The film is just a showcase of extreme gore and violence with no discernible plot. Just as I thought things couldn't get any worst --Lady Gaga shows up in usual brightly colored attire, attempting to act and failing miserably-- I was even more surprised to see Mel Gibson within a thousand miles of this film.


The one thing that really irritated me was the use of CGI blood everywhere. I mean what happened to practical effects? Even the gunshot wounds were CGI, that's just lazy. Anyway you look at it, lots of explosions and chopping people up doesn't make up for a shocking script, bad acting and ridiculous dialogue. And we still have Machete in Space to look forward to.







Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The Dyatlov Pass Incident (2013)

Posted by: Sam Doyle | at 15:53 | Be the first to comment!

The mysterious Dyatlov pass incident is a true story about a group of nine experienced Russian hikers that were found dead in Urals in 1959. Found in various states of decomposition and mutilated, it is still not known what killed them.

This incoherent mess has nothing if anything to do with the mystery, and is yet another blair witch-style found footage film. A group of students embark on a trip to the area where the incident took place hoping to solve the 50 year old mystery.

The first half of the film basically involves the group of annoying American students arsing around in front of the camera, filming the sky and drinking. Until that is, they find some strange footprints outside their tent...and immediately this group of genius's surmise that it is a yeti.

They press on in their quest to solve the mystery. Which eventually finds them running into the Russian army, cheap CGI mutant creatures, and the Philadelphia experiment? Yes that's right the director of this tripe thought it would a good idea to link together two completely unrelated historical mystery's into the plot.

As if the script wasn't bad enough, the acting was terrible. This muddled up mess of a film is probably the worst found footage horror I've seen so far. The only thing I enjoyed about this film was watching the annoying characters getting killed off one by one.

Considering the director made Die Hard 2 and Cliffhanger, I think he should have retired while he was ahead.